i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
