so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
