I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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