You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
