i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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