I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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