You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
