How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
