I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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