Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
