This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
