3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Green mimosas i think yes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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