after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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