I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
