I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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