hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
