He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
