So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
