ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
