My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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