so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
