beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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