We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
