i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
