I think I died a long time ago.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
