Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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