i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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