You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
