Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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