she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
