i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
