omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
