so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
