i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
