Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
