My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
