We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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