Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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