I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
