So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
