Just fell off a train. Bad.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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