I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I enjoy the company of your penis
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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