I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
