I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
