Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
