You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
