I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
