it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
