she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
