I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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