Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i drank out of a bidet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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