I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
