Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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